Too tired to think

‘Evening Ladies and Gents,

the sun has been shining all day long. I guess winter is nearly over. At last. I’ve missed the sun. I feel nearly ‘hungry’ for a bit of sunshine. I need a few sunrays in my brain too; it’s a bit foggy in there right now. I think I need a rest.

I’m considering whether I should let the staff at Teahouse start to look for a replacement for me for this spring. I’m going to finish this month that’s for sure though. When Lisa took me on as mod, it was for until the end of the winter season and more if at all possible. I don’t think I have the ressources right now to do anymore than that though. And I feel completly heartbroken about it. I really really really really don’t want to let go of that new family. And that is where I met my 4 affiliate friends too! I’ve become really attached to that place and have continued to think of new ideas. The frustrating this is I just don’t have the energy to talk about them or set them up. And that is what the message board really needs: people to put into place some of the great ideas the other members on and off staff have brought forward.

It’s been several months now since we had to stop our treatment for Lime Desease. Ok I’ll freely admit that I don’t miss having a needle fly like a dart right into my backside. :s Twice. Every day for a week. Every month. For nearly two years. But man has my progress got so much slower! It took me FOUR years to get where I am now, being able to communicate with others, eat a bit more regulary, and finally sleep at night after many many years of insomnia. So feeling like not only you’re not making any progress anymore but it’s going backwards isn’t too nice a feeling to cary around.

But then I remember that it’s all part of this ‘up and down’ thing that happens with our type of illness. As soon as you feel a little bit better, you do a little bit more. And the more you do the more tired you become and the less rest you get, so it’s a vicious circle really unless you learn to pace. A bit like stocking up energy and always stoping in your tracks before the well is empty. A great way to understand this is an article by Christine Miserandino called The Spoon Theory. She maintains the website ButYouDontLookSick.com.

As they put it: “ButYouDontLookSick.com magazine is about living life to the fullest with any disability, invisible disease, or chronic pain and hopes to provide answers to the endless questions of: But you don’t look sick?”.

It’s full of little stories and tips for everyone really; there’s even a little craft section.
I think what I’m trying to say is that I need to pull back on the amount of activities I do around the web and basically start pacing more before I bite the dust. lol
Ah la la… I don’t want to!!

I’m so tired though.

We’ll see how things go; if my family can stay calm long enough for me to recuperate and basically how many other ‘No Option’ cards life sends us.
That’s an expression my Mum uses when something unexpected happens but that has to be dealt with, often immediatly, and that tends to ruin whatever plans you had made. As our plans all come down to this very basic request: peace and quiet, rest and pace, ‘No Option’ cards are not the most welcome of events in our household but we seem to be getting quite a lot of them all the same.

*sigh* Peace and quiet, rest and pace. Sounds sooo good. :zZ

God bless You who are reading this,
Thankyou for stopping by!
~*Jo*~ ^_^